


The Trials

by sugarby



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Alternate Universe - Hunger Games Setting, Gen, M/M, fw; no violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:13:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarby/pseuds/sugarby
Summary: Moments between two participants pulled in to the sadistic method of picking the strong from the weak among numbered areas.





	1. Let The Games Begin

**Author's Note:**

> I finally watched Mockingjay pt2 _months_ ago and I've been working on this since. It's mostly finished but I'm sprucing up parts, which is one of the reasons why I'm deciding to post this in chapters now instead of a one-shot like I want to (the 'read entire work' option can pretty much do that anyway). The other reason is so I don't push too much at someone.
> 
> I'm not a major Hunger Games fan and there's embellishing here and there but this isn't a full story, it's more or less scenes from the films I like and wanted to write these characters in to. I hope it's enjoyable enough :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on the first film's plot.

**i. one man's sadistic vernacular.**

"Suzaku Kururugi." Rakshata reads the name off the paper-slip to the entirety of Area 11 but no one is surprised or offended—all the residents standing in front of her look emotionless. She can be dramatic and gasp loudly, flutter her glued-on, thick lashes and widen her eyes, but what difference will that make?

The name she drew from the bowl for the males was the only name inside.

When Suzaku Kururugi participated in last years trials _and won_ , his bestowed 'prize' was being named an _'Honorary Britannian_ '—the supposed _privilege_ of his existence at least being acknowledged by Britannians, who won a war and consequently think the Japanese are worth less than any ground they tread. And accepting it, _sincerely_ , was seen as betrayal in the eyes of his own kind. For that, they mutually wished for Suzaku to carry on being their area's male participant, hoping for him to eventually lose his life—equal chance by lottery be damned.

Their wish hasn't been granted so far, to the relief of one young man in particular. He'd mouthed the name of the participant before it was spoken, expecting the will of the people to amuse the culprit behind all of this and influence the outcome somehow.

Suzaku obediently ascends the stage and stands beside Rakshata with all the pride he can muster despite the vast scowls he comes across as he searches the crowd for a particular face.

The young man turns his head evasively. He won't wait for Suzaku to speak against the unnaturalness of being picked twice in a row and Suzaku won't even do it because none of the residents will. If ever kindness is extended to Suzaku anyway, he looks for excuses to refuse, piles on tedious things he's guilty of to appear 'unworthy'.

When his name was called for the first time last year and neither he nor the young man were sure they could handle all their panicky emotions, there was a generous offer to trade places:

 

 

   


> Suzaku was so surprised, he snapped first, and it startled the young man which in turn made Suzaku feel guilty. "I'm sorry. I appreciate it, really, but it won't be fair."
> 
> "Show me _one_ part in all of this that _is_ fair, Suzaku."
> 
> Suzaku couldn't, there wasn't one. "It still isn't as simple as trading places with me. Lelouch, what you're offering to do and for the likes of me—"
> 
> "The likes of you?" The young boy rolled his eyes, took offence on Suzaku's behalf. "What, a friend?"
> 
> "I'm an _Eleven._ "
> 
> "You're _Japanese_ and what of it?"
> 
> There were a lot of things back then, and still existent now, wrong with that in Suzaku's mind. His best friend would just never accept that, not even to spare trouble that was sure to rise from their interracial friendship that was always going to be dismissed, rejected. Britannia won the war that ignited the idea of the Trials, Japan meant nothing. "You're also important to Nunnally. And you've got options; you can live a decent life. There's also the fact that you're a Prince—"
> 
> "You know _full well_ , Suzaku, that both Nunnally and I aren't entitled to anything from our old lives as royal heirs since we were sent here. Stop belittling yourself with flimsy excuses. If you're rejecting my offer to take your place completely then say so and let the reason be that I mean too much to you."
> 
> It wasn't quite everything Suzaku felt was wrong with the offer but it had to suffice; Lelouch was impatient at this point—looked _a-foolish-answer_ away from marching on to the stage for participants regardless—and wouldn't let him go with flaky behavior. So Suzaki did as he was asked and blamed rejecting the offer on how he felt for the young Britannian. "...Thank you, Lelouch, from the bottom of my heart but I can't let you take my place. You're too important to me."
> 
> "I respect your answer, Suzaku." the young man truly did, and if their situation were better he would've smiled to express his gratitude. "Then, since you won't let us trade places, I want you to... _no_ , _I'm telling_ you: Suzaku Kururugi, you must _live_!"
> 
> In that desperate request was a strong sense of command, something that made Suzaku more and more reluctant to surrender at the times he could'ved, ambushed or held at weapon-point by others; the one command that was their parting word drove him to prevail, thus he killed to win and succeeded. His murders threaten to eat him alive in his sleep sometimes but he rationalizes like Lelouch would, tells himself he had to because it was either him or them, that he had to because Lelouch wanted  _him_ to live.
> 
> It was a devoted request that Suzaku didn't want to let down or treat meaninglessly.

Rakshata dips a hand in to the next bowl  _full_ of female names and she reads off the paper-slip in the same manor as before, "Nunnally Lamperouge."

The entirety of Area 11 silences.

" _My God, no_...Nunnally..." the young man whispers, feeling his existence shatter and fall in to splinters and reflect the image of his sweet, little sister about to be sent to her early, imminent death.

The large Britannian flag hanging above the stage feels cruel and mocking. The young, Britannian man faces it with pure animosity for this country, for the trials about to begin once again and for the one sadistic man it's all down to.

 

. . .

**ii. benevolence**

There's the feeling of falling in to a bottomless, dark pit; everything inside it is numb, including Lelouch, and everything is mute except his little sister calling out for him. He reaches for her but he keeps falling, helpless to help her, to help himself, and so she disappears. _This is how it'll be_ , he conclusively thinks, _if she's taken_. 

Area 11 becomes restless with everyone turning their heads to whisper to each other, confused and shocked. Nunnally's full Britannian and she's also fragile and so polite and too innocent for anything like fighting or killing. The Trials are everything someone like her should be protected from.

The two of several imperial guards in white Knightmares approaching her highlight that _this is happening_. Lelouch quits avoiding eye contact with Suzuku, expressing a frantic query of 'what do I do?!', not realizing sooner he's facing an equally stunned face.

Nunnally shakes her head, "No..." she takes wobbly steps back on her magnanimous legs she's only just learning to control through therapy, "...No, n-no, please..." her sniffle is the beginning of a sob that will sympathetically resonate within the peoples of the district, and as she closes her eyes like the way they blurred most of her life from her, she hopes that by opening them she'll awake from this nightmare.

Suzaku considers asking Rakshata to draw another name but he expects she'll bark a rule at him— _one male_ , _one female,_ and in the event she's willing to cooperate and asks why it's so important another female be selected, he can't go around shouting the exclusive secret he knows even if it's to save Nunnally. It's like having a killing thing but the trigger's stuck. He feels all the more useless. Shaking, he desperately pleas to himself that if he can just do _something_ — _anything_ —!

"I offer myself as Area 11's second contestant in her place!"

The white Knightmares stop in place and all the residents turn their heads to voice's source.

Lelouch's jaw locks, dead serious on his claim that he _won't_ be retracting, and he refuses to look at anyone.

"No..." Suzaku whispers, dread filling him up. He watches Lelouch push through the crowd to come forward, white Knightmares on his trail. Nunnally in the background is gobsmacked.

Rakshata has more than half a mind to stop him because he may not look it but he's a very real boy, yet no authoritative comes through her ear-piece and tells her to do so. If she acts on her own volition and stops Lelouch regardless, it'll be insubordination. ' _Well'_ , she figures without much care, _'I'm just here to officiate it all._ ' She takes both contestants' hands in each of hers and lifts them up high in presentation to their area.

No-one applauds nor speaks. 

Nunnally's sobs are strong and heard.

This is how the _Collection_  goes and with the two _male_  participants selected, the Trials this year are all set to begin.

 

. . .

**iii. ambivalence**

Traditionally, the contestants and their families and friends are given an unfair maximum of five minutes to say goodbye. From there, they can only hope the future doesn't become as grim as their goodbyes sound leaving their tongues.

Nunnally rushes in to the room where her brother is waiting and throws herself in to his arms, buries her face in his chest while he holds her like she can pretend that closing her eyes again will reshape reality. She's as much relieved, for no longer being a participant, as she is grieved by it being because her big-brother is taking her place—she, distressed by the mix of good and bad emotions, feels ambivalent.

Lelouch means to sooth her by stroking her head, speaking calmly as if he isn't anxious in reality. "You're alright now, Nunnally, they won't take you away. You're _safe_."

Nunnally shakes her head, "I'm worried about _you_! Lelouch, don't go!  _Please_! I don't want to lose you! I _can't_!"

"Have _some_ confidence in me. Who knows, I might last long enough to be the _second_ person killed rather than the first."

"It's not _funny_! You've seen the trials on TV—we sat and watched it _together_ last year, praying for Suzaku! I don't want to lose either of you!"

Lelouch holds her face in his hands, her soft-purple, _teary_ eyes look up in to his. "Nunnally, _trust_ me, I know you're worried but I have to do this."  _'Otherwise they'll take you and I'll fall apart.'_ "Besides, you've just regained your sight and the use of your legs, so I'll be damned—"

"But Lelouch—!"

" _I'll be damned_ , Nunnally, if you're exposed to any part of our father's _wicked_  game!"

She does not appreciate being yelled at when she's no longer just the little, frail sibling but now eighteen and fully capable of making her own decisions, of knowing and understanding the circumstances even if they're not sugar-coated for her benefit. "That's all nice and fine for you to say, Lelouch," she pulls his hands from her face, he slightly gapes. "But these are _my_ eyes and legs, not yours! And it's  _my_ name she called, _not yours_!"

"I couldn't care less, you're _my_ sister!"

"And you're my  _big-brother_!"

They've never fought like this before, if at all, and it makes sense because they're so close. Yet experiencing it for the first time makes it all the more infuriating because Lelouch can't recycle a way to diffuse this. "You're talking like you _want_ to be taken away!"

"If it means you'll be  _here_ —"

"Don't even _think_ that!"

Nunnally's aware that she won't have a chance in the trials, which call for athleticism and strength she _more than_ lacks, but she stays as determined and stubborn as she's uncharacteristically behaving. "Lelouch, I'll do it. If you don't agree to stay here _for me_ then I promise you, I'll go back out there and tell them I'm going."

_The darkness. Falling. Feeling numb and hearing his sister crying out_. The image Lelouch saw in his mind is beginning to haunt him again. He grips her firmly by the shoulders, "So help me, Nunnally Vi Britannia, if even a strand of your hair leaves this room—!"

"I'll make sure she doesn't go anywhere." They don't notice Suzaku until he swears this, appearing like a knight but not coming to the little sister's rescue. If he doesn't try to protect her at any time, not only will his conscious suffer, he'll induce the wrath of her big-brother.

"Suzaku, please, you have to talk sense in to my brother!" Nunnally begs. "He's making a mistake! You _know_ he is!"

Of course Suzaku knows that he is but he won't be able to stop him. At best, he can only stay at Lelouch's side as much as possible and insist they be careful, that they work as a team—rules be damned. "I'm very sorry, Nunnally. You know Lelouch always plans and rarely allows interference."

"...But, Suzaku..."

Suzaku offers her a smile, still apologetic. "Don't you worry. You know that he and I can do anything when we're together." For a long time, this has driven two close friends to achieve feats most can't and don't even try to, and for a long time it's also put Nunnally's concerns to rest, if even for a little while.

. . .

 

**iv. aspiration**

The train ride makes it all the more real before any killings happen. And it's just their luck the train's speed has been upgraded over the years and it's hurtling along the rails toward the destination that appears atop the horizon's peak: Pendragon, the Britannian empire's proud capital, the preparatory location for participants before the trials which are set elsewhere.

They sit on separate but identical couches fancier than they're used to, facing each other. They forgo indulging in the spread of food on the table in the middle; Suzaku doesn't believe his nerves will let him digest any of it and Lelouch is busy in his constructed space of solitude for Chess. Around and over them is silence where all their thoughts seem louder over the screeches of wheels on rails and the wind whipping by the nearest open window.

Suzaku had considered gazing out at the vast, open field but then caught the stench and sight of littered dead bodies—of the Japanese who fought hard but lost against Britannia. Believing optimistically in a nation that can affirm this much because of prejudice is why he's an out-cast to his own kind.

"Why are we just sitting here playing chess, Lelouch?"

"We?" Lelouch asks in an amused tone as his Black Knight dominates against the White Bishop. Next, a White Rook captures the Black Queen. "You're unable to concentrate enough to put up a decent fight so it's a game against myself."

"Then what's the point?"

"I like Chess. That's the _point_."

Suzaku abruptly rises from his couch, "You don't get it! People talk about the Trials but I've _seen_ it for myself—I'm entering it a _second_ time! People call it a nightmare as they watch contestants die—!" he pauses, the surge of fury giving him little room for steady breathing. He breathes in and out slowly but memories of his first experience in the trials still haunt him. "Can it really be called that when it's _real_ , when it's happening in front of us?"

Lelouch's Black King takes its first step across the board, "So long as you desire something better then yes."

Suzaku thinks he sounds too casual. Then again, it's like Lelouch to keep the calm head and clear mind between them first, even if doom is round the corner. Knowing this, knowing where they're going and what they'll be thrown in to, he can't help feeling _relieved_. "You know, as bad as it sounds...my heart did a flip when you volunteered in Nunnally's place. I was horrified but then I thought 'hey...at least we're not going in alone. At least it's _us_ fighting them—him and me'."

" _He and I."_ Lelouch corrects. "I appreciate the sentiment to our camaraderie but you can't be careless."

"What do you mean?"

"We can work together to kill off everyone else and that will leave us with a very formidable decision."

"... _No_ "

Lelouch knew that once his friend realized the error in his idealistic plan where they team up like the good, old days, he'd immediately try to reject it. "You need to tell me now, Suzaku. Will you kill me?"

" _I said_ no!" Suzaku hopes saying it louder is convincing enough to believe that he won't lay a finger on Lelouch. It's unthinkable even if the Trials entail the opposite. At the very least, his decision is respected because it was made with a _whole_ , _unwavering heart_ and strong will regardless of the circumstances.

_'One can alternatively simplify it as 'ignorance'_ , Lelouch thinks. "It's unfortunate for us to be opponents in a task where the last person standing is the winner. Luckily, you're well endowed with combative skills from your military duties and experience from last year's trials."

"What are you saying?!"

" _I'm saying_ if you _do_ decide to take me out, it'll be an effortless feat on your part."

"How many more times?! I'm not doing that!"

Lelouch shrugs, "That's fine by me, it lets me stick to my plan." 

_'So he did have one' after-all_.' Suzaku would roll his eyes if he were like his best friend.

"I'm going to stop my father, _one way or another_." Lelouch, without looking, can tell his ominous declaration earns him a scandalized expression from Suzaku. If he's wondering how a son can take his own father's life, to the son that technicality is more of an _excuse_ than a reason; Charles Zi Britannia, actively polluting the nation, has never acted like a parent. "Killing and more killing. Then what? If the world isn't changed then it'll be worse-off in the imminent future."

"You don't _know_ that."

"No? Almost a decade ago, when you and I were just becoming friends, our two countries went in to war and the Trials began. In result, you lost your father while Nunnally and I lost our home. The Empire divided the population based on wealth, value. If that was just the beginning, I dread to imagine what's to come. Maybe I'm not the best candidate to do this but I'm going to. I want people to have freedom and hope. I want the _Japanese_ to call themselves _Japanese_. I want the Emperor gone and above all, I want my little sister to live without having to mourn the death of innocents every year!"

"I want that, too. I just can't see the world being changed just like that." Killing to prevent more killing sounds contradictory and Suzaku figures Lelouch knew it would before he said it. Nevertheless, when Lelouch sits on a plan long enough, he's determined to see it succeed no matter what.

"Perhaps not but I've lost patience." The game Lelouch diligently played while talking concludes as he takes his Black King and checks the White King, next tipping it over for its surrender. He doesn't feel victorious. Out the open window, Pendragon is coming in to view from a distance. With just as many thoughts as before brewing, Lelouch doesn't restrain his hateful glare to it as his father's domain. "I'm not sitting idly by any longer. 

 

. . .

 

**v. C.C.'s dissection**

"I heard you volunteered in your little sister's place."

"What about it?"

"Being selfless isn't very common among the areas. I'd ask why you did it but I suppose the right question would be  _why wouldn't_ you when she's your family? Not that I'd know about something like that. Still, you're under a spot-light now; you made your decision at the last minute without a second thought. That makes you either brave or idiotic. I wager the latter."

" _What_ did you just say?"

"I called you a fool." she repeats, unaffected by the intimidating scowl on the young Britannian's face, which, to her, looks little more than a spoiled child hearing something disagreeable for the first time. Though thought to be the only ones on board the train besides their wandering mentor, who's excused himself to the _little mentors room_ , there's in fact fourth company and she has long, green hair and bright eyes, and apparently quite a lot to say. She can swear out loud right now at the top of her voice and it'll be very un-ladylike but she'll retain the coolness of the unshakable apathy to her. "What you're doing is admirable but you can't expect the rules will change  because you've been pardoned this time."

"I've never implied to expect such a generosity."

"So what if she's picked again next year?"

"She won't be."

"How do you know?"

"It won't matter."

"Why's that?"

Leouch's eyes lay a glare on her for a moment, irritated by the incessant prying and confused by her identity altogether. "Because I'll do _anything_ to keep my sister safe."

"And when you die in the Trials from a knife to the throat or a boulder crushing your lungs?"

"Your ideas of my demise are lackluster."

"I'm expecting creativity from the other contestants. And _better entertainment_."

"Just who are you to say any of this?"

"I'm C.C."

"Is that it?"

"I'm here to measure you."

Lelouch looks her up down, sees nothing on her but a peculiar, long dress and the single needle she came in to this compartment with. "Where's your equipment? Surely you need more than a needle."

"You let me worry about that." C.C. holds up the needle like it can do much more than the obvious. Lelouch rolls his eyes at her satire but nonetheless invites her to work on him if it's necessary—which, according to Pendgradon's popular TV personality who hosts segments on the Trials annually, it is _very_. C.C. stands behind Lelouch very closely, places both hands on both of his shoulders and runs one across to meet the other, estimating a length by touch, licking shivers over his skin underneath his dark jacket. C.C. smiles, but with the personality she's shown so far it's more accurate to call it a smirk. Gently dropping to her knees, she holds a leg to feel around it, pinches an end of his dark trousers. Looking up, she comments, "You're awfully tall and scrawny."

Lelouch scoffs. After that, that's what she has to show. "Well you're inappropriate and twisted. _You win_."

"Do you always have a childish comeback as a counter-measure?"

Lelouch keeps quiet, lips tightly pressing together and his eyes facing front while C.C.'s wandering hands occupy the thin needle. The doors to the compartment open and Suzaku comes through, back from his solo-excursion around the train. He stands away from them and asks what's going on, seeing his best friend so stiff in the hands of a woman he's never met before.

C.C. says, "I was dissecting Lelouch and he got all upset. _Sensitive little boy_ , this one." While she receives an unappreciative leer from the insulted Lelouch, she debates in her mind where to stick the needle: through his trousers or in his leg.

"She isn't very fond of me and is resorting to petty name-calling." is Lelouch's answer, in a kinder tone while speaking to a familiar. C.C. states technically that she's never actually said she doesn't like him. In a sweeter, mocking tone, he says, "Oh? My mistake. Where are you from, C.C.? Insulting people we like isn't a common courtesy here."

"With the awful things I've heard you mumble to yourself about Suzaku, I'm quite surprised."

Suzaku double-takes. "He _what_?!"

"What I say is true." Lelouch argues.

"Is it?!" Suzaku asks. "What has he— _Lelouch_ , what have you said?!"

Lelouch answers with nothing and C.C. pities Suzaku, the so-called best friend caught in their cross-fire. "I wonder about you, Lelouch. Are you saying that an insult that's partially true should hurt less?" If that's the case then he had no business being offended by her comment on his _lacking_ physique— _truth_ , and a disadvantage against what he's about to face. C.C. walks out of the room in the compartment, passing the mentor on her way.

Lloyd, coming in, glances back at her before he asks his students, "Did something happen while I was away?"

"Not really." says Lelouch. "C.C. was just taking my measurements—"

" _What_? Why on earth for?!"

"I suppose it's so she can make our clothes for Trials' opening ceremony, as our stylist." Lelouch is never one to be uncertain but sounds unusually so, Lloyd's expression bringing him to reconsider. But C.C. had come in with a _needle_ to " _measure"_ him—her words. "She's rather eccentric and had a lot of insults to give. Still, she eventually invested in her job."  
  
Lloyd blinks a couple times more. Suzaku shrugs under his questioning stare, unable to confirm or argue the given description as he was too late to meet C.C. properly. A grin slides across the mentor's mouth, which in turn _concerns_  his students. When Lloyd Asplund is amused, there's trouble. "Lelouch, Suzaku," he calls them both while sincerely holding in an urge to cackle. "Your stylist is expecting you in Pendragon. The woman you've just had the _splendid_ opportunity of meeting has no direct involvement with the Trials whatsoever."

"No way!" Suzaku gasps, eyes wide in disbelief, "Then who is she?!" 

"Put simply, C.C. is your surrogate-mother! While it's my job to prepare you as best as I can for the likelihood of imminent death in the next forty or so hours, you'll see to her for requests between now and the start of the Trials. You can ask her for things like your favourite dish or a necessity. And when she can't do that anymore, her job will be to snag you both sugar-daddies to send you nice things that'll come in handy in the Trials when you're desperate."

Lelouch and Suzaku are speechless, mentally staggered.

Lloyd's wicked grin keeps, "In other words, boys, C.C. is your accessory to survival. You're _accomplice_ , if you like." It sounds untruthful but likely isn't, coming from a man who only puts comedic spins on truth. And he didn't seemed concerned by C.C. if she is in fact dangerous. So that _unfiltered_ woman is their difference between life and death?

It's very odd, Lelouch thinks, considering C.C. did try to stick a needle in to his leg.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \- I know the title sounds bland but I don't think it has to be exclusive to just the _literal_ trials, it can mean all the other good/bad things that'll be faced.  
>  \-  C.C.'s 'job' is technically half of what mentors do. So the needle served no purpose other than to cause tease Lelouch).


	2. Second Round

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing this 'non-story' from the _Catching Fire_ perspective of the films.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've revised this part so many times and yet I still bet there are errors/typos. So I'll be proofreading later. For now, hope you enjoy~

**vi. Charles' Visit**

Lelouch comes home from a casual walk around the town to be ambushed by Nunnally with a hug a little stronger than usual. It's as if she's immensely relived, or panicked. When he holds her, he puts it out there that he wasn't gone long enough to start a missing-person's case, but then she looks up at him with big eyes and he hears heavy footsteps at the end of the lobby.

"The prodigal son comes home at last." A very unwelcome guest is in their home and they must've invited themselves in because Nunnally wouldn't have—not even on a small promise of tea and treats.

Lelouch's glare is instinctive, "What are you doing here?"

"I've come to discuss the upcoming trials and another issue of equal importance."

"Then _talk_ , and then please  _leave_ , _Your Majesty_."

" _Privately_."

Nunnally shakes her head,  _clutching_  her brother, "No!"

"Nunnally, I promise, I'll be alright." Lelouch says. He understands and is grateful for her hesitance to leave, that it's her unconditional love toward him driving her to stay while in the company of their father, but if their father means to be blunt and cruel then he'd prefer her not to hear any of it. He sends her off with a forehead kiss to the kitchen, now spaciously and colorfully upgraded from his victory in the trials. Nunnally enjoys baking more now she's able to sister, so she plans, now, to deal with her anxiety by trying a dinner recipe she learned from their housekeeper, Sayoko.

Charles is pleased and hand-motions to the open door of the study room behind him, which he's already walked in and out of once. It's the smallest room in the house even after the remodeling but it's enough for Lelouch to think and work in, and with the light shades of blue and grey paint on the walls it's sometimes a nice change of scene from his bedroom. He follows his father, blatantly leaves a gap between them in caution as much as distaste; he dislikes this man the way avid tea drinkers dislike the aroma and bitter taste of coffee, the way skin flares and itches at an allergic touch. He cannot stand this man and his ways of brute force, of exiling his children, of making-up and continuing to host the Trials.

Charles sits in the large, cushioned chair behind the desk and the frosted view of the front garden where Nunnally's flowers stand proudly. He waits for his reluctant son to sit in the simple, plastic chair on the other side, watching him do so and fold his arms, put on leg over the other and even slouch to show he's against this arrangement. "I would say something like 'my, how you've grown' but I have the feeling you'll just throw it back in my face with sarcasm."

"That's impressively perceptive for a man who's never cared to know the well-being of his own children after exiling them several years ago. Nunnally's fine, by the way, _since you asked_. Now what are you doing here? Don't tell me that after all this time it's for _quality_ father-son bonding."

"I'm the Emperor," says Charles, resting large, entwined hands on top of the desk, official-like. "Thus it's cordial I visit the victor after their participation. Or the victor _s_ , in this case, which is the problem." in case his son feigns ignorance, he's blunt, "Kururugi should've died back then."

Lelouch chuckles. His father is a powerful man leading an empire who can have anyone executed at just one order but he complains about the incessant life of a Japanese man instead. "It only had to be one of us. Why Suzaku and not myself?"

"Don't be a fool, Lelouch! You're Britannian and you are my son, therefore you have royal blood in your veins which exempts you from ever being _considered_ as a contestant!" In spite of Charles' lack of regard for his children, his pride is big enough to want to support his family's image of being untouchable, unshakable, unbreakable. Long ago, he cast immunity on all his children so that just the lesser, weaker beings (preferably Elevens) would be left fighting to prove their worth and sustain their place among the living. Those without power, without money, without knowledge, they're all eternal contenders for the Trials.

The whole royal family knows this, including Lelouch and Nunnally—and by extension Suzaku.

"If that rule stands then why was Nunnally's name called? Why was Rakshata even able to draw it out?"

"When Nunnally recovered her sight and use of her legs, her medical information was updated and finalized without my knowledge. As no one beyond our family and Kururugi know she's royalty, her illegibility to participate in the Trials couldn't be argued without suspicion."

"So it's her own fault then?"

"It was a mistake that eluded me at the time. That's all."

"Then why didn't you stop _me_ _after_ I elected to take her place? What kept you from calling things off and choosing someone else?! Was the thought of my seemingly-imminent death too good for you to pass up?"

Charles' eyes harden on his son, "If I wanted you dead then you would be, be it in or outside of the trials, Lelouch." he says with promise. "Had I been told prior, I would've made it so that not even your _toe_ could step on that stage. Instead, I set up an extra measure—a sort of insurance policy on your life." because, as weak as his son is physically, it wouldn't look good if he died and the public saw, whether they're aware of his identity or not; the death of royalty can look as if the empire is falling to pieces. "Why else would C.C. have been on that train?"

"C.C.? She works with Lord Asplund. She finds sponsors—"

"Did Kururugi recognize her?"

"... _No_." Lelouch tightens a hand around his chair's arm, irritated by the deceit. C.C. was odd with her needle and her comments, how she spoke fluently and familiarly even though they were meeting for the first time. Anecdotes on him must've been fed to her and so she believed she knew him well enough. She was basically not just a nuisance but a _spy_.

"You didn't find it odd that he had no idea who she was?"

"Suzaku doesn't have an idea about a lot of things."

"You n _aive boy_. I sent C.C. to ensure your welfare—something's she's done in the past which you've forgotten. And I decided if you won the games—killed off everyone else in your way—you would've shown enough potential for me to reconsider your exile from Pendragon."

Lelouch thinks this has to be the funniest news he's heard in a very long time; his father is making himself sound as if the potential for him to start caring about someone other than himself is there. It's a ludicrous idea and Lelouch laughs at it. "That's a  _very_  generous offer coming from you but I'd rather stay in Area 11, _just scraping to get by_ , than live in a mansion where my siblings feel inclined to fight each other to be your successor."

Charles shrugs, "Suit yourself."

Lelouch smiles, "I always do."

"...I sent C.C. in the first Trials several years ago, when _your mother_ was a contestant."

Lelouch frowns. Bringing up his mother all of a sudden, despite it's relevance to C.C., is a cruel card to play. "Let's hear it, then. Why you allowed her to be in the Trials and why you let her die in it." Lady Marianne vi Britannia, Empress of Britannia, died with a satisfied smile on her face after she saved child participant, Anya Alstreim, from being crushed by a boulder. The day it happened, he saw it on a live broadcast. It's the last memory of his mother he owns, gruesome and haunting and bloodied, and the fault lies with his father! "Don't tell me _you_ , the most powerful man in this country, couldn't withdraw your own wife from your own _twisted game._ "

"Marianne was lively, kind and young-spirited. She refused her immunity in favor of equality and entered the Trials in disguise, and the devastation I felt from losing her is what sparked the exclusion of royals in the Trials."

"Or maybe you just didn't love her like you claim."

"Don't _mock_ me, boy! And don't sit there and believe _for a second_  you know _a_ _thing_ about love! I'm not convinced in the slightest of your infatuation with that Eleven!"

"I don't live to convince you."

"No but the rebellious stunt you pulled last year—your and Kururugi's infamous plan of double-suicide—has put you both in a very sensitive position. And if further rebellious acts, like rioting against me and Area 1, can't be avoided then  _you will_ meet the repercussions of it."

"What repercussions?"

"As I'm sure you've kept track, this year is the Trials' ten year anniversary. To commemorate, special rules and new obstacles are being added. It's one of Schneizel's _decent_ suggestions. With the participation of every past winner, including yourself and Kururugi, one obstacle may include the use of friends and family."

"What do you mean they'll be _used_? _Wait_ , do you mean Nunnally?!"

"Imagine if you were to hear her screaming for her life while you were in the Trials, unable to do nothing."

"No!" Lelouch smacks a fist down on the arm of his chair. "You can't— _I won't let you_!"

"Then _reassure_ me." Charles says, like what he asks of his son next isn't a very near impossible task. "I want to know you can take responsibility for the _false_ hope you've ignited across the areas and be their symbol for all that you promised them: Hope, freedom, a voice for the voiceless, the source of power for those with none. Tell them that any rebellious act will be _thwarted_. Tell them it's best to continue to rely on the Empire's iron grip than to be lead by _you_."

"...I'll do it." Lelouch swallows, wishing he can say no. If his little sister is in danger, he'll go to any lengths, no matter how much he may hate them.

"Do you think you're a good liar, Lelouch?" Charles asks and the look on his son's face shows he's trying to find the intention behind the out-of-blue inquiry. "I'm asking because when you deceive you usually rely on props or tricks and philosophical ideals and quotes."

"They make my lies concrete, more believable."

"That may be so but if you ever only have yourself at your disposal, can your lies convince  _and_ _protect_?"

Lelouch doesn't like that question. He also doesn't like that he doesn't answer it, that he _can't_ and it's because the question is making him doubt himself. Even worse, he hates that he's compelled to storm out of the study-room the way his younger self would whenever his father didn't listen to his please, the way his younger self _did_  when a heated argument over his mother's death saw himself and Nunnally removed from their father's sight as well as their home.

 

. . .

 

**vii. uncertainty**

There are no objections to the second guest who comes in to their home. Nunnally welcomes Suzaku in as best as she can before she goes back to the kitchen, asking him to wait for her brother who's speaking with their father. It doesn't exactly paint the best pictures in his mind, knowing the family's history with the Emperor, but he holds on to the hope that his quick-talking, very smart best friend can handle himself (just choosing to call him 'very smart' instead of 'intelligent' feels degrading and it's unbelievable. His head's been compromised by his best friend's thought pattern!).

That's what he always likes to hope. What he _hoped_ until he sees Leloudh rushing out in to view as if being driven by a hot emotion alone. Suzaku waves to him, "Hey. Um, you okay? You look mad. What's going—" his face is grabbed and his lips are ambushed with a kiss. It's stronger and longer lasting than any normal peck, like it's _necessary_ more than desired. "....On?" Suzaku finishes, blinking in a daze when the kiss ends.

Charles walks past and glances their way in inspection. The closeness of his son and his eleven friend is what he asked for, yet it still remains an unimpressive sight to behold. His dissatisfaction in the way he slams the front door behind himself appeases his son.

Lelouch wraps arms around Suzaku's neck and pulls him close. "Do you think I'm a good liar?"

"Erm, hello to you, too. And that's not something you really wanna be good at, is it? _Lying_ , I mean! The way you kiss me is fine!"

" _Just_ fine?" Lelouch teases with a finger slowly moving up Suzaku's neck, across his jaw. His throat bobs in a gulp, Lelouch smirks. "Well, I think I can improve that."

"What's with you? It's fun seeing you promiscuous all of a sudden but it's a little—"

"So it's believable? Good." Lelouch drops his hand and takes a step back _too_ _casually_  in Suzaku's opinion. "The Emperor wasn't convinced. _Then again_ , he's a fool in general."

"I think you need to explain this one."

"Apparently, my feelings for you aren't convincing enough."

"That's understandable given you just seduced me to make a point."

"You liked it. Called it _fun_."

"That's when I thought it was genuine. _Unusual for you_ to do but genuine."

"Grant me enough time and I can take it all the way."

"Lelouch, what did he say?"

"The truth?"

"Please. I'll take it with a pinch of salt."

"It's _grain_."

"It's _not_ the time."

"Short version or long version?"

"The version where you leave out redundant fancy words."

"The version _for dummies_?"

"You're really impossible."

Lelouch smiles, "But I exist." He's nudged by an impatient foot and he chuckles. "Alright, I apologise. Cliff-notes version, then." He braces himself for the explanation with a sigh, all at once feeling the weight of the earlier conversation. "This year is the Trials' ten year anniversary and the Emperor has confirmed exclusive, special conditions including the return of past winners and new obstacles—all still _very lethal_ , I assume. And I'm being blackmailed in to convincing the areas not to start a rebellious war against the Empire, all because we plotted double-suicide last year." _'And, last but not least, my original plan to kill my father to end the Trials still stands with just a few tweaks here and there. But the less you know, Suzaku, the safer you are.'_

"Can you say all that again in Japanese?"

" _Suzaku_ —"

"I'm _kidding_. I heard you."

"Then tell me, because I need to know— _I need your word_. Are you able to endure this with me a little longer?"

 "You know our motto." Suzaku says, which is their exclusive affirmation for each other.

It's unusual for Lelouch to need assistance, let alone to personally reach out for it. And instead of just being lead along, Suzaku's being _asked—_ not that he believes he was bound to say no to this when it's so important. He can't leave Lelouch to bare it all alone. Besides, when he looks in to his eyes, sometimes it's like he's under a spell where he can't say no. Suzaku labels it 'love' and questions it no further.

. . .

 

**viii. Gino's offer**

"—There's a fountain in the lobby now, Kallen!" A blond, shirtless man is in the middle of saying as he enters the elevator, arms crossed behind his head. He neglects to acknowledge the three men against the wall behind as he gushes on, "And there's a flat-screen TV out by the pool! Man, they've sure upped the perks of being chosen to participate in a kill-or-be-killed challenge since last time. Did you notice anything?"

"Shut up already!" a red-head woman snaps, storming in after him. She practically _stabs_  her thumb in to one of the buttons on the side-wall panel; the elevator's doors close and the compartment carries on up. She sighs, folding her arms and leaning her weight to a side, "I get you're excited but this isn't some fancy hotel, so give it a rest already!"

"Hey, I'm not trying to make you mad. Honest. I was just saying that a lot here has changed since—" the blond, glancing around the space of the moving compartment, finally sees the three other people inside. He stares, they stare back. "Oh. Hey. Sorry, didn't realize we weren't the only ones in here."

" _Clearly_."

"How long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

"Oh...kay." The blond stares awhile longer at the black-haired man giving him brief, cold answers.

The guy wearing glasses says, "Ah, I thought you looked familiar." to the blond's confused face, he adds, "I'm Lloyd Asplund, mentor for Area 11." Which means he and every other mentor were given files on all the contestants which enclosed their skills, occupations, weaknesses etc, although most contestants are recognizable from previous Trials. "You're Lord Gino Weinberg of Area 1. And she's Miss. Kallen Stadtfeld of Area 2."

" _Kozuki_. I'm half Japanese." Kallen briskly says. "I told my area's representative to change it but they _obviously didn't_."

"I beg your pardon, _Miss. Kozuki_."

Gino whistles at their interaction and says to Lloyd that he's never met a fan of his above the age of twenty. Lelouch scoffs in the background and mutters ' _unbelievable_ ' under his breath.

Lloyd says to Gino, "You came in rather giddy. That's a little... _unprecedented_ , given what's to come. You could very well die tomorrow in the Trials—not that I'm wishing on it."

"Yes," Lelouch agrees with a judging look. "Attitude like yours will give anyone the right to think you enjoy yourself in the Trials, Lord Weinberg."

"I've been telling him he needs to calm down. Instead, he behaves like a dog off his leash." Kallen joins. She side-glances Lelouch in interest; she isn't acquainted with many who'll openly speak ill of high-ranking Britannians.

Gino rubs the back of his neck, feeling put on the spot. "Well, haha, the Trials are sort of like a game and games _are_ meant to be played. Oh man, your faces! _Relax_ , I don't _enjoy_ killing. If I'm lucky enough to survive, that's another year I can laugh in the game-master's face. My being alive means he loses again."

"I see, you're optimistic." Lloyd smiles.

"Yep! Gotta be when this situation is  _pretty bad_."

" _Understatement_." Lelouch says.

"I get the feeling you aren't a fan of mine, which is crazy 'cause I'm very likable."

"That's debatable, Lord Weinberg."

" _Gino_ , please. You're only saying this 'cause you don't know me well enough."

"Yet life goes on; the world keeps turning."

"Aw, c'mon. We can _get to_ know each other. Don't be cold, Lelouch."

Kallen almost double-takes. "How do you know—"

"Who he is? Last year's games."

"Hey, don't—!"

"Interrupt?" Gino teases with a grin when he gets a sour glare from Kallen. "Sorry but I'm saving on time. We're almost on our floor." He turns away to face the front of the elevator, looking through its glass doors to watch the illuminated floors pass at quick speed—or his own reflection; no one puts it past him. The compartment is silent for a while. Eventually, Kallen outright calls him a "jackass" and the suddenness of it catches Lelouch and Suzaku off guard. Lloyd grins as if it's all a sitcom.

Gino perks up and snaps his fingers. "We should team up!" he sounds excited again. "The four of us! _Yeah_! Since it's a new rule this year."

" _That_ 's your reason?" Kallen asks.

"Hear me out—"

"Why the hell should I?!"

"Well, Kallen, Sweetie—" she barks at Gino not to call her that. "It's really simple. If you paid attention to last year's games, you'd know Lelouch here is an in-depth thinker and strategist, and Suzaku's got military training under his belt—like me—and _unbelievable speed_! You're skilled too, Kallen. As for me, I'm charming but my muscles say the things I don't."

Suzaku finally offers his opinion. "I don't see why not. It'll be advantageous. Four against everyone else is better than just two against...well, _everyone else_."

Gino cheers, a child on Christmas morning getting exactly what he asked for. "Yeah! Alright! See, you guys? Suzaku gets it! Way to go, buddy!" He shifts his eyes between Lelouch and Kallen, "Come on, you two, quit trying to act cool by being cold. It'll be a slice of pie if we do this together!"

Lelouch fluently lectures him, "You talk as if our victory is assured as long as we unite, but if our opponents have all won in the past with their own strengths and skills, they can certainly do it again. Quit being ignorant, Gino. I doubt you're as stupid as you act."

"I wouldn't be picky if I were you, Lelouch. You just said I'm capable of winning a second time. You can talk all you want but I know you can't do anything strenuous for more than two minutes before you keel over. So, if I came after you, you wouldn't be able to stop me."

"Threatening me in front of three people, _very smart_."

"I'm not _threatening_ you, Lelouch. This is straight-up truth. _Deny_ it."

Gino's hostility is surprising to Kallen, for she's never known him to be like this—never thought such a cheerful guy was capable. Suzaku feels like stepping in between them but Lelouch won't appreciate it past the thought; he's never liked being in a helpless position, so he's never liked asking for help neither and won't graciously accept it. Suzaku keeps back against the wall, but he holds on to the reality that he and his _military skills_ and _'unbelievable speed'_ are right here.

"Hey, I come in peace." says Gino, raising both hands and stepping back, putting his friendly smile back on as if no dark implications ever came from him. "It's fine, really. I get it. You do what you do best and _think_ about my offer. I'm at your service." he winks to Kallen, "I'm at your service too, Kallen. _Twenty-four seven_."

"I swear," Kallen starts. The elevator stops and its doors open; she marches out. "If the other's don't kill you first then _I will_!"

Gino leans his head out the elevator, watching her go down the floor's long hallway, and he whistles. "Brutal fights to the death bordering on sadism aside," he grins back at Lelouch, Suzaku and Lloyd. "I think I'm gonna have fun this year." He steps out and salutes them with two fingers before the doors close. "Cheerio, gentleman! And _good luck_."

The elevator starts moving up again. With the chatty company gone, the silence is harder to excuse.

Lloyd says, "Well, the evening entertainment in this place sure has competition."

"...Yeah" Suzaku says, absently. "I've heard about him through the Military. Compared to other nobility, he's always been different. That happy-go-lucky attitude is just the way he is. What do you think, Lelouch?"

"What do I think?" Lelouch repeats, taking strides out of the elevator just by himself. " _I think_ now that Gino's gone you can stop _ogling_ ." he practically turns his back on them both out of annoyance, leaving the mentor entertained and Suzaku figuratively whip-lashed.

 

. . .

**ix. mutual conception**

Suzaku believes he's _good_ to work in the engineering department of the military but _brave_ for confronting Lelouch like he's planning to. He isn't scared, it's just troubling. Lelouch never makes tasks easy, especially when his emotions are involved and he takes things _personally_.

Gino's self-introduction was impressive enough, and his idea didn't sound bad at all. And he isn't as dumb as he looks—and he looks really well endowed, which Suzaku was bound to _notice_ as a pro-exerciser (that's his argument and he plans to stick to it, as lame as it sounds).

Upstairs, Suzaku stands outside two bedrooms and counts to ten. He breathes in, out, and enters the room on the left--with the king-sized bed that bad been unfairly taken by Lelouch in his fit of fury; he'd practically stomped inside straight after dinner, which hadn't gone well. Lloyd tried to strategize with them and give them tips between generous bites and gulps, and Suzaku did his best to take it all in while Lelouch just sat there and picked at his food.

Inside, Lelouch is sitting at the desk, operating a laptop. Suzaku walks up to him from behind and checks the screen; it's open to a file of all the contestants, presenting their strengths, weaknesses, skills and more in a colored diagram and numbers. It all makes sense to his partner, at least, Suzaku figures. Suzaku himself and Gino are listed at the top while Lelouch is placed at the very bottom. All this crucial information—of knowing what'll work against who and make killing them easier—is accessible for all contestants to see.

Lelouch, without turning around nor looking up, gives him the third-degree. "Well, don't mind yourself, Suzaku, just come right in."

"Hey. I knocked."

"And you waited all of three seconds before I replied."

"I waited _at least ten_ , actually. I thought you might be asleep."

"No. One can hardly find time for such a luxury under the circumstances..." Lelouch  dreads to think of what'll happen tomorrow, that he might perish without seeing his plans through and spending more time with Nunnally, but closing his mind off the Trials altogether means he can't plan to survive long enough. If he can rally enough Rebels with their own personal reasons to stand against Britannia then, with Suzaku safe, he can—

"Are you still mad at me?"

" _No_ , I'm thinking."

"What about?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"You _are_ still mad at me."

"I never was. And don't you dare suggest I was _jealous_ neither."

Suzaku smiles, proud  _he called it_. "Right. It'd be silly of me to."

"Yes but when has silliness ever evaded you?"

"I'm trying to... _apologise_. Or at least understand you." He only knows, at the least, it's to do with being in the elevator a couple hours ago. That and maybe coming in to his room now when he's busy; Lelouch has never welcomed interference kindly. "If anyone should be jealous, it's...well, Gino has muscles and experience, sure, but in the Trials, it helps to be brainy."

" _Brainy_?" Lelouch repeats the _lackluster_ term.

"Being thoughtless can get you killed faster than being..." Suzaku searches through his familiar vocabulary for a politer word than 'weak' or 'fragile', "...athletically challenged."

Lelouch shakes his head and sighs, crushing the hope that the alternative to describe his physique would make him feel slightly better.

"I'm _sorry_. Can't we talk?"

"We talked at dinner."

" _Lloyd_ talked."

Lelouch says nothing, resuming to educating himself on the highs and lows of his opponents, fingers crazily typing again like they never ceased. Pages come and go, flashing several faces and specific charts in front of him. He furiously skips Suzaku's, Gino's and his own, lingers a bit on Kallens out of interest and another girl with long, pink hair, a sweet face. She reminds him of Nunnally, who he loves dearly, and suddenly he feels sympathetic enough to believe that this girl doesn't belong in the Trials neither.

Suzaku frowns, exhausted by this cold, brush-off attitude he's put up with too many times. "Don't ignore me! I'm not going away!" he pleads but the young Britannian is stubborn. "Lelouch, you can at least look at me!" Suzaku grabs his shoulder to forcefully turn him around in the swivel chair and meets his ungrateful hard gaze. "Quit acting cold and let's just hash it out! I know being completely open and honest isn't the way you like to be but _please_ , talk to me!"

"...Intelligence is well and good but I suppose the impact of being 'brainy' can't compare in this situation of kill or be killed."

"Oh, _Lelouch_. Are you saying you're the lesser choice against Gino?"

" _I'm saying_ the _smart_ decision would be to partner up with him if you want to survive, rather than sticking to me out of loyalty." And by not staying with him, Suzaku's safety is more guaranteed. There's an aim for the rebellion his father is blackmailing him not to start, let alone lead, because when he wished for Suzaku's death in last years trials and when he used Nunnally in blackmail against him, the final lines were crossed. Lelouch is now more adamant than ever to destroy the Emperor and topple his empire—something Suzaku won't want to hear about nor be a part of, but so long as he's safe then it's fine.

"It's because I care about you."

"And I you but—"

"But _nothing_."

"I noticed, Suzaku. The way you _ogled_ at his physique."

Suzaku flusters under the speculation that he seemed more than a little interested in another guy. "I wasn't—I didn't _ogle_! He—he was _shirtless_  so it would've been awkward to look away on purpose!"

"Let's see you spin that lie if he ever takes off his pants." Lelouch bets, because nudity of many degrees has been shown on the broadcasts of the Trials and he doesn't doubt there'll be lakes or waterfalls in this year's location.

" _Lelouch,_   _Stop_!"

"Gino  _is endowed_ , I'll give him that. He's more muscular than you."

"Now who's the one who _ogled_? _"_

Lelouch chuckles lightly—his way of admitting that _yes_ , _he too happened to_ _notice_.

"I know I sound like I think winning this year is going to be easy but that's not it. I just think..." Suzaku laces their fingers together and Lelouch doesn't pull away. "Because we're together, we at least stand a chance. Lelouch...having _just a second longer_ with you feels like I've already won."


	3. Final Stage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mockingjay perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it's taken me a bit longer than expected to post this last part when it's been 80-90% done. I'm still sprucing parts up, so please excuse errors and possible nonsense for now, but _it is_ readable enough :)
> 
> *songs I think suit this are _Mercy_ by _Shawn Mendes_ , _Dead Air_ by _CHVRCHES_ (incidentally already in the MJP2 soundtrack) and _Natalie Imbruglia's_ version of _'Instant Crush'_.

**"Final Stage."**

 

**x. Suzaku's suffering**

"Nunally..."

"Hello, Suzaku. It's good to see you, I'm glad you're okay."

To say he's okay is an assumption. Suzaku guesses he must be fine enough if he's here and awake. He watches Nunnally maneourver round the bed he's laying on to sit beside him; she takes his hand, her gentle touch is reassuring even if the room he doesn't recognize isn't. "You're walking. You can see..."

"Don't you remember? I recovered shortly before you entered the Trials again."

"Right. Sorry. Guess a 'congratulations' would be late, huh?"

"Never." Nunnally smiles. Her eyes look teary because this brief moment reminds her of a time before—a _better_ time. But of course, things aren't actually like this, they're only just approaching the harsh reality. Suzaku, looking around the place, casually tells her he's surprised he hasn't had any visitors besides her since his coming here; not Gino nor Kallen, nor the girl known as ' _Euphy_ '. Nunnally's lips and heart tighten under pressure and in sympathy. "...I'm afraid they...didn't make it."

"Make what? What's going on?" Suzaku means _entirely_ , with his _missing friends_ and his unexpected change of scenery from a wealthy city to this place—wherever they currently are. He tries to make out what he can in the room but all that chalks up to is a lot of white paint and OCD-level of tidiness; even his clothes are unrecognizable, his gift-given snazzy suit downgraded to a dull gown.

Nunnally takes in a big breath, preparing herself, and she doesn't let go of Suzaku's hand. "...Suzaku, right now, you're in an underground base set up by my brother, Schneizel. For some months, you were recuperating in a hospital in Pendragon after my fath—after _the Emperor_  removed you from the last Trials. You were...there was a  _complication_ in the trials."

"What sort of complication?"

"...Suzaku...it's hard to—"

"I _want_ to know."

Nunally chews her bottom lip, debating the best choice in her head like her brother usually does—he's always been good at handling people this way, being as honest as he can while simultaneously vague to spare their feelings. "The electronic field that generates holograms and a barrier around the entire layout of the Trials, it was damaged. It was hit by something meant to shut it down but in doing so, the blast—"

" _What_?!"

" _There was_ a blast. You, Gino and Kallen were making your way along the shore, to the other side of the island, when all of a sudden you started running back and then you..." she closes her eyes, mutters a sympathetic curse. "They tried to run after you but you were so fast. Just before you reached Lelouch, _you_ were blown far across in to the water. Gino and Kallen, they..."

"Didn't make it."

"No. I'm so sorry."

Suzaku looks down at his hands bawling inside Nunnally's, shaking with grief. Mental images invade, falling in like the debris from the wrecked barrier around the island. He sees himself hurtling back through the air from an explosion he had no idea he was running to after something like a large sword was shot up at the field barrier. One person stood close by, giving out the order.

"It was Lelouch."

Nunnally says nothing.

"He's outside right now, I bet. He sent you in here to talk to me, didn't he?"

"Suzaku, no—"

" _Please_ don't lie to me, Nunnally!"

"I'm not!"

"You're protecting him!"

"I swear, Suzaku, he hasn't told me to come see you!"

"But he's watching us, isn't he?!"

"Suzaku, please, try to focus! Can you remember anything at all?" Suzaku stares at her for a long time, conflicted. She says, "I know it's hard, _I know_  but try. For me?  _Please_."

Suzaku tries, _for her_. He first remembers the Emperor revealing that the Trials would be held on Kamine Island, and much harsher; furious waves of monsters and lethal elements came at the contestants by the hour—killed a lot of them between confrontations with each other.

He remembers Lelouch being unusually eager to help, saying he wanted to compensate for his lacking physical ability by scavenging for food and enemies while his temporary allies caught their breaths and etc. It was nice of him, and in that case it was perhaps _too nice_. He'd thought it was weird and yet he hadn't said anything; he'd also thought the four of them were lucky to continuously evade death (Gino said it was them, _because they_ were good and even better together, and Kallen had said she wouldn't be taken down so easily). Lelouch had managed somehow, between being rescued or using set traps.

Whenever they were ambushed, Lelouch didn't seem as scared as he should've been for someone likely close to dying...like it was expected, _arranged_ by him beforehand.

So this was the thing he wasn't to be concerned about from the other night that Lelouch refused to share. He wasn't mad, he was deliberately keeping Suzaku out of his plans. He didn't trust him and he disregarded everyone else completely to order a hit directly to the barrier's weak-point, causing an explosion, causing deaths. Lelouch blatantly rebelled against the Trials, forged a group right under Suzaku's nose and didn't even give a damn about the secret hurting him. 

Suzaku's remembers the three dead bodies of Gino, Kallen, and the pink-haired, young woman he'd had the pleasure of meeting. She was sweet, gentle, so much better than the Trials and much too caring for it. She believed in the sort of things Suzaku did. She'd said her name was ' _Euphy_ '.

"I'm sorry, Nunnally..." Suzaku takes his hand away from Nunally. She gasps, heart stinging by the rejection. He turns away from her to see the fake mirror behind them. He has a strong feeling Lelouch is behind it, there's no way he'd allow his little sister to go in to a risky situation all by herself. And maybe Suzaku isn't and never will be a danger to her but his mind isn't entirely right. "I'm like this because of him. Because he always has to make things a personal fight. Otherwise I wouldn't have been abducted and kind people like Kallen, Gino and Euphy wouldn't have gotten killed! They're dead because of him!"

Nunally saddens at the mention of her late, half-sister. She didn't have a proper chance to get to know Euphemia like her brother and his best friend did when she entered The Games last minute undercover as a rebellion against Lelouch being made to go in twice—first accidental, second intentional—but she at least knew they shared blood, and that Euphemia was kind and gentle to all.

"Lelouch has started a mutiny and now Areas 2 through 11 are in a full-out war against 1! There'll barely be any survivors with the sort of advanced weaponry they've got! _Knightmares_ , Nunally!"

"You know, I'm sure Lelouch would say that for as long as he's able to remember, there's always been a war between the Areas and the Emperor; a quiet one that happens in the hearts and minds of the people."

" _Don't_! I'm not as stupid as he makes me out to be, Nunally. I know he's out there," Suzaku leans forward to start shouting at the mirror. " _Watching! Hiding! Laughing_ the entire time! You couldn't have just joined forces with Gino like he wanted to, you had to mess around and get innocent people killed! All for what?! To raise a rebellious army against your father?! You've gone too far, Lelouch! You need to be stopped! Your _very existence_ is a _mistake_!"

Nunally can't press him for more any further. Watching Suzaku thrash around on the bed, fighting against the heavy restraints and bringing red marks to his skin, is too much. Even without the voice of her eldest brother advising her to leave in her ear-piece, she knows well enough that Suzaku needs time and space. When she leaves the room, Lelouch is still watching, along with their eldest brother, Schneizel, who comforts her with a rather condescending coo and pats on the back.

"My dear, Nunally, try not to shoulder any blame. His brainwashing is something of a supernatural mystery. His memories of his last entrance in The Games have almost completely been rewritten."

"It's not a mystery." Lelouch bitterly objects. "It was our father. He did this."

"Yes but _how_?"

That, Lelouch can't answer, or even find a way to theorize something plausible.

"Nunally, you've done well and I thank you. You may return to your room now, I don't want you exposed to this _devastating_ predicament longer than necessary." Even though Schneizel uses words like 'you can', he really doesn't mean to purpose there's a choice. It's his word and it's final. Same with 'devastating predicament', he really means to call it _'annoying'_ and a _'waste of time'_ for all the parts helping Suzaku recover doesn't add an inch of leverage to their growing arsenal against his father.

Nunally looks to Lelouch who kindly reiterates their elder brother's wishes, sending her off with assurance that _he will bring Suzaku back_ but leaving out the ominous  'one way or another' he mumbles just to himself. "What's your end game, Schneizel? Why are you bothering to start a war against father? Weren't you always beside him, watching the trials just like everyone else in Area 1?"  
  
"I was the consultant for the trials, meant to oversee that conditions were met and boost its success. But I had a change of heart after the mishap with Nunnally's name being called, then you being made to go twice, and what happened with Euphemia—bless her soul. Our father sat back and watched. He refused to protect even his own children after reassuring us that we were safe. That's something I didn't take well and now here I am."  
  
"And I suppose you aim to take his place when he's gone?"  
  
"This isn't about who'll succeed father, Lelouch."  
  
"But you want to, don't you, Schenizel?"  
  
Schenizel stares at him a good minute before he decides not to give any kind of verbal answer. He faces the two-way mirror, standing calm—or apathetic to the sight in front of him. "I imagine it must be difficult for you to see your friend this way," he purposely uses 'friend' over anything more intimate which strikes bad in Lelouch's books; almost everything about Schneizel does one way or another. "But you must understand the young man thrashing about like a wild beast in there isn't him. He's been subjected to an infamous nerve-tampering exercise that... _strongly twists_ one's personal perception of something. It induces irrational behavior and disallows them to secure genuine memories from implanted ones."

" _But_ this is his perception...of me. It _has_ to be there to be twisted in the first place."

"Why do you suppose our father has done this, Lelouch?"

It angers and pains him to say, Lelouch's wavering voice shows. "...Because of _me_. To get _to me_...!" Disrupt a part of the Trials' structure, grab Suzaku, escape, explain later. That was the plan Lelouch had designed but he hadn't counted on Suzaku running back to him, getting caught up and blown far from his grasp.

"Despite witnessing and experiencing first-hand the effects of what has been inflicted upon Kururugi, I have a feeling you're about to ask me to let you go in and speak with him."

"I don't need your permission, he's my—"

"Can you say with complete certainty—enough to bet on Nunally's life—that the young man in there appearing to be Suzaku Kururugi won't try to kill you at the first chance he gets? That he won't put his hands around your throat again and make you unable to speak for days?"

"I'll introduce a safe-word."

"Take this seriously, Lelouch."

"Says the man who can't stomach calling Suzaku my 'boyfriend'."

"This is bigger than rebellious sexuality."

"Is _that_ what you _think_ it is? Am I a _petty child_ to you, Schenizel?."

Schneizel sighs, eyes closed, and prays he's not approaching a migraine from the trip-wire of displeasing Lelouch. "Moving on," his eyes reopen to Suzaku lying down and staring up at the ceiling, struggling against the restraints no more. "If my _amateur_ -prognosis is correct, what they've done to him may be irreversible."

"You're beside yourself, I bet."

"Alright, it's no secret I'm not as concerned over Kururugi's state of mind as you are but he's your...he's _important_ to you and _you_ are my brother."

" _Half_  brother."

"We share blood. Siblings. A father. Even an interest and skill for the same game. We're similar but I guess that's why we don't communicate well. You're not fond of the past so I won't bring it up with you anymore unless I feel it's necessary." He lays a hand on Lelouch's shoulder to comfort, "All I can do is reassure you the best people are working with him. However—and this might be a bit of a stretch and I'm likely to change my mind straight after—maybe hearing your voice and seeing you is what he needs."

"So to hell with him trying to kill me then?"

"No. Absolutely not." Schneizel's face expresses he'll go to many— _unspeakable_ if necessary—lengths to prevent that. "Later, I'll call in doctors and they'll make sure he's... _relaxed_."

 

. . .

 

**xi. condolence**

Suzaku 'relaxes' as Schneizel puts it. In reality, there's a generous dosage of anesthesia within his body, immobilizing him; he can't lift a finger, let alone summon the strength to wrestle someone to the ground and suffocate them again. It had taken Lelouch too long to get his voice back to normal after that debacle, to that of a preacher's, a voice with ideals for a populace, a voice that tells a thousand lies to spare one bad truth). Suzaku looks like a sedated animal, lying on the bed so lifelessly, but Lelouch is grateful; it means Suzaku won't try to run away— _he can't_.

"You actually came."

"Yes." It surprises Lelouch that he isn't the instigator of this conversation, all the possible ways to open it up and their angles meaningless now.

"Are you alone or are we being watched?"

"No, it's just me."

By Suzaku's solemn face, it's hard to judge if he believes it. "...I thought I'd know what to say if I saw you again. But I almost feel nothing when I look at you. It's like I'm numb."

"Ah, the anesthesia."

"Fuck you."

Lelouch doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. It's obvious now the man laying on this bed really isn't Suzaku Kururugi  _but he will be_ , Lelouch decides with a spirit as strong and unshakable as it was when he was ten years old and throwing away his royal ties after his mother's death. "I'm very sorry that this has happened to you. For everything. That you're hurt, that _they_ did this to you—"

"No,  _you_ did this to me! You and your lies and your manipulation games! You acted like you were trying to prevent a war when in reality you were _leading_ one behind all our backs— _including mine_! And you're not sorry!"

"I am."

"So much that you wanted me to take my own life while you'd be left standing as the winner!" Lelouch figures Suzaku was shown footage of their plan to double suicide at the end of their first games together as insurance to pit him against an old friend. "You'll stop _at nothing_ to keep your plans in motion, will you?!"

"The berries weren't poisonous. I lied, said they were."

"Why?"

"The people managing the Trials probably couldn't be sure the berries were actually poisonous, but they only needed to know I was prepared to bet my life on it. Knowing two dead contestants with no winner wasn't what they envisioned, I predicted they'd stop us one way or another."

" _Classic_ Lelouch." Suzaku dry-laughs. "You made me believe I was going to kill myself and you don't even see how _twisted_ —" he looks up at the colorless ceiling for a silent moment, shaking his head. "Do you feel guilty? Even just a little for the people you've hurt?"

"If you're looking for sympathy, I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere."

"Somehow, with my foggy memories, I still know you're not the type."

"You were always the kinder one. The _hopeful_ one. I was cautious, reserved."

Suzaku doesn't say anything for such a time it has Lelouch think he isn't going to bother answering, that maybe _his_ question on their past is _redundant_ this time. But then he softly starts speaking about the past, _their past_."...I remembered something in a dream I had before I woke up. It was when I first met you. You were telling Nunnally how great the shack the both of you were going to live was. I called you out on the lie before I saw how fragile she was. You were trying to protect her. And when we crossed a field of dead bodies, you told her we were walking through a garbage dump."

Lelouch crosses arms over his chest, trying to remain indifferent to how thoughts on the past always affect him. "What's your point?"

 

"The first lie I heard you tell was selfless. Sweet, actually."

"And?"

"And I'm looking at you now, wondering where the Lelouch who tells good lies to protect people has gone."

"I still lie to achieve my goals, to protect what matters to me."

"Don't I?"

"That's a stupid question. Of course you do."

"Then why didn't your lies protect me? I was _taken_ , Lelouch, _because_ _of_ your lies!"

"There isn't a person alive exempt from lying. Not myself, definitely, but not even you, Suzaku."

"We're _not_ the same. Lying, to you, is like second nature."

"Well, what do you expect? My whole life is a lie. Why I was sent to Area 11 and the family name I took up. Yes, I lie often and my lies are as complex and plausible as I need them to be, but that's meaningless if the person I'm lying to isn't naive enough to believe in them."

"Like I've believed in them all this time, right? I'm just a naive target to you?"

" _Suzaku_ —"

"Get out."

 

. . .

 

**xii. re; assurance**

"It's odd to find you here, of all places. I would never believe it if I weren't here myself."

"I wanted space. Quiet." says Suzaku, and so he saught out the solace and space of a library in Area 0; it was thought to not exist until recently, Schneizel's formed group staging the coup against/planning to overthrow the Empire/Area 1 leading them to uncover this place. A month after doses of drugs and paced rehabilitation on Suzaku's mind, and he's approached the point now of sorting through conflicting images in his head that aren't always distinguishable between real memories and the faux ones.

"You were wise to come here then, I suppose."

"Was I?" Suzaku has to wonder, because he came here—looking for space, it's true, but mainly—to avoid the man plaguing his disorganized head, inviting himself in with his arrogant, know-more-than-you way of carrying himself. "You've been looking for me."

"My, aren't _we_ a tad conceited."

"No, Lelouch, because why read any of the books in here when you can make up better lies yourself and torture your best friend? As if he hasn't already been through enough." Suzaku doesn't feel confident he can tolerate just the two of them being in silence together; it'll invite too many opportunities. Suzaku gets up from the floor.

"Wait!" Lelouch grabs Suzaku by the hand, a move made by emotion before thought. "Your memories, they aren't fully better, are they? They're still a mess inside your head."

" _Your_ doing."

"I'm aware." Lelouch slowly releases his hands. "Ask whatever you want. I'll tell you what you need to know."

Aside from being brainwashed, being a contestant in The Games a third time, and being told of his close relationship with the Britannian who visited him and basically called him an inbecile who'll believe anything, there's not much Suzaku's been able to make certain of either by himself or with some helpful input by people standing by like Nunnally, or even C.C. Now Lelouch wants to try, sitting down on the floor against one of the book cases, inviting any and all concerning questions. Suzaku has every right to wonder if he'll be given the truth, because Lelouch Lamper—or rather _Vi Britannia_   as he reminds himself after certifying childhood memories—can tell a thousand lies with ease. What Suzaku 'needs' to know according to Lelouch can turn out to be more farces instead of the unsweetened truth he wants to hear.

It's a chance Suzaku feels willing to take, though. And he'll do his best to see for himself if there's a trick to the way he's answered. "When they brainwashed me, they told me things about you and a lot of it could be backed up by videos, audio recordings. With other stuff, I see jumbled images in my head and can't make much sense of them."

Lelouch had been told by his older, half-brother that such experiences would be the likely result. _'Kururugi's will is strong enough to override mental tampering, which is why father amplified the lasting affects of the brainwashing'_ were Schneizel's words exactly, passively complimenting Suzaku to Lelouch's surprise as well.

"You're a compulsive liar and you've ruined lives."

"It's not always my intention to—"

"I _don't_ care. Just answer."

"...Fact."

Suzaku's expression at the 'truth' doesn't change much, but it's notable to himself that he feels some satisfaction. He wonders if on the other side where Lelouch knows _him_ really well if he can tell how he feels just by looking at the outside. "You play Chess. You're actually pretty good at it."

"Fact."

"You and Nunnally came to Area 11 for a visit but Nunnally's health worsened so you weren't able to go back."

"False."

"You hate Japanese people being referred to as Elevens. I'm your best friend and we made up a language of hand signs just for us. We've known each other for years but you've been misguiding me from the start, haven't you? Fact or fiction?"

"At least let me explain why—"

"Fact or fiction, Lelouch?!"

Lelouchs sighs long and heavy. "Fact, because it's degrading and cruel. Yes, we are best friends. I'm the one who constructed our secret sign language and you were never able to remember them all. I've tried not to lie to you, Suzaku, but sometimes I've felt it necessary only for your safety. Please believe that if anything."

Suzaku settles in to silence, no more comfortable than his confusion doesn't want him to be, but more tired. He sighs and his face is troubled in the darkness. After some time passes of the two of them sitting their with their own thoughts, he admits his out-loud, a lot more mellow. "I realize that most of my confusion, my questions, they're all about _you_ , Lelouch. I'm made to believe that you're my enemy and yet you're the only thing that's making sense of things I can't. Even if I don't want to admit it, you know me better than I know myself right now. I'm asking myself who I am."

Lelouch nearly doesn't speak, but if he owes Suzaku anything from all the hell he's been put through because of him, it's his real and true identity—he deserves to know himself as Lelouch does. "You're Suzaku Kururugi, only child of Area 11's late Prime Minister Genbu Kururugi; Honorary Britannian; Ace combatant in the military. You're my best friend but that also makes you my worst adversary, because _you know me_. I trust you—enough to bet Nunnally's life on your success. And I love you greatly, Suzaku, more than I probably can ever express and you'll ever believe."

"Stop, please—"

"I've always said that you are naive and you've never liked it but I don't mean you're stupid. You're just hopelessly optimistic, always thinking the best of a broken world. And you like cats but they unfortunately don't share a mutual attraction. The scar on your left wrist is where Arthur bit you."

"Arthur?"

"Your cat."

" _My_ cat?"

"You're kind and no one else could take him."

"That...still doesn't make sense."

"You're kind." Lelouch says again, not to necessarily compliment but just to say because it's true. It's all the explanation needed. "You always put others and their needs before yourself, jumping in to the fray to save lives...and in turn hoping to meet your end, which is the only selfish thing I've known from you. I go out of my way to manipulate but the one person I can't, the one person immune to it is you because your will is strong; it's why you can't easily be defeated and I highly admire you for it. That is _you_ who _you are_."

Suzaku can't decide what to make of that until after he dozes off for an hour or two and wakes up again; he dreamed of himself with Lelouch and Nunally during their younger days, playing together, and he feels the once missing parts of his memories restore parts of himself. The anthology of his past years of living, and all its emotions of grief and guilt and betrayal but also happiness and care and love, they give Suzaku's heart-strings a tug in a familiar direction.

. . .

**xiii. re; birth**

Arthur thrashes about enough to be released and is finally let go, jumping out of his owner's arms then meowing before prancing about the hallway.

Lelouch says, "I hope he's house-trained."

"Um...yeah, sure..." Suzaku looks around the Lamperouge household and everything looks the same as he remembers: lilac and soft pastel cream walls, polished flooring with shines across them, cozy decor of small cushions and potted plants and colorful folded paper birds—he doesn't have to guess who's working on them. Returning to Area 11 as if a massive war wasn't just fought with minimal to major losses feels strange, but he is, at the very least, at home, with Lelouch.

 _'But where's—?!'_ Suzaku's eyes flash around frantically, suddenly his heart feels the way it did when her name was called.

"Don't worry, she's fine." Lelouch has always been both impressive and annoying with how he he seems to read the minds of those he knows well all too easily. Suzaku watches him set bag of groceries on the kitchen counter-top and pull out items one by one. "She'll be back in a little while with Sayako."

Suzaku's hand rests over his heart almost automatically, "That's a huge relief."

Lelouch looks back to him with almost sympathy in his eyes rather than amusement. "Sorry. Did I scare you? I should've set you straight earlier on details of the FLEIJA blast."

" _Yes_ , you should've."

"Hey, so..." Suzaku searches for the best possible way to start. "...You really don't feel anything about...killing your father?"

Lelouch's eyes, for a split second, flash with irritation. "No, I don't regret getting rid of the man who let my mother die and rejected his children."

Suzaku feels unable to argue with anything reasonable now when it's put like that, a usual occurrence when conversing with Lelouch.

"I'm not like you, Suzaku. I don't weep for the dead if they truly deserve to be, no matter _who_ they are." He's referring to Suzaku murdering his own father who was about to act against what the Japanese wanted just as their war against Britannia began. It was a quick, un-thought out plan but it happened.

"I'm sorry. Forget I said anything about it." Suzaku comes behind Lelouch to hug him and rest a hand on his shoulder while he carries on sorting through the groceries. Like this, they almost fit together like a real couple, living an almost-perfect, too-real kind of life. "Hey, the three of us...you, Nunnally and I, we're gonna be together like a family now, right?"

"Hopefully."

"That's not reassuring."

"You don't like it when I lie."

Suzaku sighs. He imagines there'll be trouble here and there with them picking themselves back up to live in the wreckage of Area 11, and with the mostly hit and rarely miss remnants of his brainwashing tearing him apart, making him love and hate Lelouch. "All the things you told me before...I believe you. I had a dream about us—well, I think they were memories of us and Nunnally from when we were younger. Just before I woke up I saw us entering the games together...deepening our relationship..." he tentatively glances at Lelouch then keeps looking, _staring_ in to his eyes. "For me to be so affected by everything, I must really love you. That's why you've been in my head, it's not just because you can be a pain a lot of the time."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Also, C.C. visited me earlier just before you came."

"She _never_."

"Yep. She got a kick out of reminding me that you cross-dressed once." Suzaku's smile grows and he likes the way it irks the Britannian because finally he's doing the teasing. "Fact or fiction, _Luluko_?"

" _Shut up_." Lelouch is red and shy in the face, completely not the way he ever wants to be presented to someone, least of all Suzaku, but he manages to smile. This is total madness and he allows himself to feel happy in this moment regardless; there are _much_ worse things to fret about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was really fun writing Schneizel, even though he can be a douchebag. And I'm really glad I could write and finish this au for such a good series and otp of mine. I hope it's been enjoyable enough for you, too! Thanks for reading this far if you have :D


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